a beautiful dark twisted review

so about a week ago, i downloaded the leaked got an advance copy
(because i'm such a respected journalist) of yeezy's new LP. i thought to myself, "how can i review this album without sounding like an all out stan?"

i couldn't.

so i decided to just stan it the fuck up. problem is, that doesn't give you an accurate perception of how good/bad the album is. so i enlisted the assistance of the homie hopp, who is generally hateful toward all things kanye, and had him review all the tracks from the hater point of view.

why?

here's the thing. my experiences online have led me to the realization that you are either a stan or a hater. you can't be in between. so instead of doing a real review, i decided fuck it. let's just review it with these two ends of the spectrum in mind, and the actual quality of the album will be somewhere in the middle. in all honesty, this just seemed way more fun and comedic than doing the traditional review. so here is a track by track breakdown from both sides of the fence.

Dark Fantasy
stannin' - holy shit. i remember seeing awhile back about a possible rza collab for this album, and i remember thinking "there is no way this will ever live up to my expectations." i was wrong. kanye absolutely destroys the opener for what will probably go down as the greatest album of the last 50 years. when listening, i was immediately reminded of a mental image of the great phoenix, rising from the ashes to become a beautiful angelic creature.

hatin'- So you got No I.D. and RZA to collaborate on the producing tip. Only Kanye can manage to gay up such an event. So, at the start of the album, we got a lotta "Oh"s and "Yeah"s to show off how lazy of an effort it is, because really, after 808s [where he pretty much jus' singed his ass off,] he don't got much to rap about, so he just bombs us with features, being uncomfortable on single tracks.

Gorgeous [ft. Cudi & Raekwon]
stannin'-this song is perfect. just a simple guitar loop and some slick rhymes. and oh yea, it features probably one of the all time great hook sangers, kid cudi.. kayne's rhymes didn't really impress me at first, but after another listen, he is really saying some serious shit. raekwon comes in and does his thing. his rhymes was nice, but no way yeezy was getting renegaded on this album. this is his masterpiece. 2 songs in, and i'm convinced - kayne is the voice of this generation.

hatin'-You kno', because "Gorgeous [ft. Kid Cudi" probably sounds less gay for him. The whole "still giving Kudi some shine" thing has to be a joke on this guy's part. But the whole "giving Kudi shine on a Raekwon" track, right after uniting the latter wit' Justin Bieber, is jus' straight disrespectful.


Power[ft. Dwele]
stannin'-probably my favorite song of the year so far. this was kanye's reintroduction into the spotlight. still in hide out mode because of "swift-gate", ye' needed to come correct (ll) with his first single. he needed to let the world know that he was back, and it was a wrap for the rest of the game. can't nobody fuck with kanye. he proved it with this song. did you see the fucking video ? the shit was a fucking painting! who the fuck can make a painting into a fucking music video? if you don't think kanye west is a genius, after listening to this song, you should drink drano.

hatin'-What's ridiculous is the amount of people who bought this and went off on a " Hey, he's back dissing SNL, now that's gangsta, he doesn't give a fuck ... " rampage. Right before he actually appeared on SNL. 'Cause, of course. THAT's "gangsta."


All of the Lights[interlude]
stannin'-so i wasn't even gonna speak on this, being that it's an interlude and what not, but it's a pretty powerful piece of music.. it reminds me of something that you would hear in a film.. like during a really dramatic part of "schindler's list" bravo, kanye. bravo.

hatin'-Now what do you do when you realize you closed the album wit' 12 tracks ? " Shit, I gotta get at least once more there. But another solo track ? I can't do this, man ... Oh, I kno' ! "
Result : Interlude.


All Of The Lights [ft. Roc Nation, G.O.O.D. Music, the cast of Lollapalooza & The Black Eyed Peas]
stannin'-this song features everyone. literally, everyone. from fergie to elton john, they are all here and accounted for. and guess what? kanye managed to outshine them all. the song is subtitled "ghetto university" and while that may seem to be a cliche use of random hip-hop vernacular, he manages to touch on some real shit. rhianna and fergie were again, outstanding choices as far as features are concerned. we're not even at the halfway point of the album yet, and i can already say with confidence - album of the year

hatin'-"Street lights, satellites, microwave lights, all of the lights, all of the lights" ... You can't possibly be serious. It takes more to find 18 people to collaborate on 5 seconds each than to come up wit' an interesting concept, chief. Yeah, we go out everyday, there's lights everyfuckin'where. Big freakin' deal. Know what else lights do ? They damage your fuckin' vision. Rap about that, chief. Make an interesting song for a change. And I'm talking 'bout you, not about every person you've ever met in your life, which if pretty much who you got featured on that track. I see what you're doin', tho. " Bad song, Kanye. ", " Hey, I've tried, but 9 outta each 10 features didn't bring it. "

* sigh *

And, not to blow your cover, but I gotta tell the public I don't like the fact that you got Taylor Swift in there telling us man purses gon' get us a better home and a beautiful wife. Backmasking is old, Kanye, They were going to find out eventually.

Monster
stannin'-the first of the G.O.O.D. Friday songs to make the album, "monster" features some of the hottest names in the industry, proving once again, that yeezy has his ear to the streets. rick ross makes a quick feature, and sets the table for kanye, and once again, ye manages to steal the show and outshine his peers. jay-z comes in and drops what is probably one of his best 16's in years. and nikki manaj, who has never,ever done anything i liked, even managed to deliver a memorable verse.

hatin'-Now how about gettin' outrapped by Nicki Minaj ? Scratch that, how about gettin' outrapped by a 9-second long Rick Ross ? And, of course, since he has a meter that lets him kno' the track's gettin' too good [because of the performance of the guests,] he's pretty conscient putting Bon Iver at the end would jus' pretty much ruin the whole thing. Mission accomplished.

So Appalled [ft. CyHi Da Prynce, Jay-Z, Pusha T, RZA & Swizz Beatz]
stannin'-what can i even say about this track ? swizz is straight up AIDS on wax, jay crushes it, pusha spazzed,cyhi dropped compressed coal all over the joint, and rza makes you wish he had layed a verse down, and of course kanye was ending careers. his ability to gather all these talents together and create such an impact on the culture, makes him all the more incredible. his vision is to further the genre, and with "so appalled", he has succeeded. he's not just kobe - he proves he has some phil jackson in him too. (ll)

hatin'-See, I'll guess the order in what this happened :
1 - Kanye records his verse.
2 - " Let's get Pusha, he's close. "
3 - Kanye gets RZA on the track.
4 - Jay-Z hears it, he wants in.
5 - One pretty good [it has a Kanye verse at this point already, let's not call it dope] it's born. At which point the meter which I already talked about goes off, sayin' it it's too good to be released.
6 - Enter CyHi Da Prynce and Swizz Beatz.

Devil In A New Dress [ft. Rick Ross]
stannin'- one of the greatest songs ever recorded. period. a few weekends back, i literally listened to only this song for 2 days. the replay value is unparalleled. when i was listening initially, i was afraid that changing the song in any way would be near heresy. they would be tampering with perfection. i was pleasantly surprised to hear the reworking of the beat, giving it life and character. and i wasn't mad at the rozay feature.

hatin'-Bink is talented, props to him on the beat. Off course, Kanye acknowledges he's way more talented than Kanye himself and it's quick to grab the beat before someone took advantage of it [Imagine this as J. Cole's 2nd single. No, really take your time to imagine it, takin' Kanye completely outta the picture ? See ? See what I'm talkin' about ?].
Clearly, he doesn't even have much direction here, but he probably doesn't care. That's what he got Rick Ross for.


Runaway [ft. Pusha T]
stannin'-FINALLY! we get to hear "runaway" as we all did when we first became enamored with yeezy's opus. when ye' debuted this at the VMA's, he added some voice samples on the MPC, and they were sorely missed when the track dropped afterwards. well they are finally there, and they make an enormous difference, sonically. ye' pours his heart and soul on the beat, infusing the track with emotion that is rarely seen in hip-hop. his vulnerability and honesty is what makes him different than other artists.

hatin'-Why ? 'Cause his emo phase ain't over. Somewhere inside Kanye there's " 808s, Heartbreaks And A Dear Diary ", which is probably gonna get released eventually. Now, since he's trying to come up to an album more reminiscing of the two first ones [where, remember ? He rapped. yeah]

Hell Of A Life
stannin'- holy shit. this shit bangs, nohomo. this must have been that boom-bap shit they were talkin about early on. i'm glad they steered away from that, i mean who wants to hear that ? this is ART. but anyway, kanye is singing on this hook? awww shit. ozzy osbourne? nah son. this kanye west. this beat is all sorts of ridiculous. piano solo? is that a mozart sample? no dummy, that's just yeezy fucking shit up, bach style

hatin'-Clearly. 'Cause the guy gets to blame everything on the media, crush people on stage and get applauded, diss a television show, get back there and still gets respect for that. And he also has tons of man purses. Must indeed be.


Blame Game [ft. John Legend]
stannin'- damn ye. this is on some sentimental shit, you can tell from the piano. john legend is sounding real emotional, talking about "i love you.." and sounding mad crazy distraught. this gotta be about amber rose. thank you amber for breaking kanye's heart so that he could create this beautiful masterpiece.

hatin'-Now this is what I'm talkin' about, Kanye, write about shit you know. I myself know some games you can play with hookers, but I'm not sure if you're okay with paying, 'cause I do kno' they play the Blame Game for free if you ask.

Lost In The World [ft. Alicia Keys & Bon Iver]
stannin'- what is this? auto-tune? i thought jay deaded that? but guess what, when your a musical genius - you make your own rules. excellent choice for the album closer. i can almost see our hero walking off into the sunset, with his bird woman on his arm, and the credits begin to roll. kanye sums up his masterpiece with some potent bars

"you're my heaven. you're my hell."

beautiful simplicity.

*applauds*

hatin'-Now don't forget Jay-hatin'-Z raised Kanye West a strategist. If you leave the album, you gotta have a nice impression, hence the singers. The lyrics, as you see, ain't sayin' much. It's just a collection of words that bring you to happy places so that, again, you walk out on a good note. Now. Forever. Heaven. America. Night. Vagina. See ? I'm jus' sayin'.


so there you have it. if you're wondering, i think the album is very good. not great. not a classic. but very good. but you don't care about my opinion. i knew that already. that's exactly why i decided to do the review as a joke,as opposed to taking it seriously. thanks to hopp for helping me out with this.
peace.