Snook from Redhook, Gloria from Astoria, Lil' Mikey, Suzy Skrew, Young Kareem, Frankie, Don Rodriguez from the Bronx, flabby abs, a future baby mother

Once upon a time, there were three obscure hiphop blogs. LightWeightHeavy, Droptops & Stacy Lattisaw Tapes, and Lets Connect Politics Ditto combined forces to create the most incredible post the internet had ever seen. Pause. Let the story begin...




Slick Rick - Auditorium


illustration provided by Lets Connect Politics Ditto



HL: This story is sooo dope! Slick Rick is a soldier in the middle of Iraq. After sensing animosity from the locals, he wins the township over with his "fabulous raps". Is this a metaphor for something? Regardless, it's pure dope.


"Now the kid's considered like an Elvis of Baghdad."







DOOM - Bloody Chain


illustration provided by Lets Connect Politics Ditto



ABORTATRON: This is from the "Venomous" EP, which doesn't get alot of love, and I can reluctantly see why, but damn if this isn't a hidden gem. Vik proceeds to weave a tale of his "one biddy, who gave good brain", and how he was really falling for the broad. After some quality time together, Viktor provides her with some money to get a ride home, and gives her a necklace to rock so that she knows she is his "girl". Then our tale turns sour.

"Got a call later that night and was heart broken. My man was like 'your girl just got bodied I'm not joking. Fucked her up real bad, she aint' make it. Stuck him with a cutter, she wouldn't let him take the shit. I'm like my shorty got stabbed off a piece of shit chain I had nabbed off a crab. Wouldn't give it up so i put one in his ab, grabbed the bloody chain and took a cab to the lab."

So far, this is kind of a generic, stereotypical song, but what gives it a little more uniqueness, is that we get to hear the other guys part of the story. Poison pen comes in on the second verse, and lays down his side of the story in gory detail. Long story short, he leaves the after hours spot and gets robbed for his chain, only to see some chick rocking it some time later. So of course, he has no gun which to shoot her, but we already know that he "stuck her with a cutter".

The beat here adds to the cinematic feel of the track, and they cleverly interspersed some movie dialogue. That may seem like a cheap way to make it feel more like a narrative, but it works here.







Gza - Killah Hills 10304


illustration provided by Lets Connect Politics Ditto




HL: This one of the illest stories ever written. I once read an interview where Gza revealed the inspiration for this song came from some documentary he caught on television. Supposedly some guy really tried to smuggle drugs through the airport, but his pirate limp gave him away. Therefore the FEDS rushed him as he was going through US Customs.

"Do you know a Don Rodriguez from the Bronx? I think you do know him..."








Ghostface Killah - Shakey Dog


illustration provided by Lets Connect Politics Ditto





ABORTATRON: What the fuck is going on here? I still don't really know. Something about a drug deal gone bad, a robbery perhaps. I don't really know. Tony and his homie frank are definitely up to no good here, that much is evident. Ghost goes in at his rapidfire best. Painting a picture with blurbs, and just when you think you're starting to finally catch on and can't wait to see what is about to happen, ghost says "to be continued".. What the fuck Ghost? But really, this is possibly one of the best GFK joints of all time, and next to his verse on "Impossible" I can't think of more a more visual joint from tony. I looked up the lyrics for this joint to find a dope line to post here, and i just can't choose. The whole thing is impeccable. No hook, just a dope beat, and Ghost going the fuck in.

"In an Arab cab blunted. Whip smelling like fish from 125th. Throwing ketchup on my fries, hitting baseball spliffs. Back seat with my leg all stiff. Push the fucking seat up!!!"









Roc Marciano - Pop






HL: Whoaaaa!!!! Roc Marc takes a phone call in the hallway to discuss street politics, but gets sidetracked.

"We trying to make a penny stretch. But back to what happened about the clapping, is he dead?"

Storytelling isn't always about having a complex plot, or intriguing characters. Sometimes it's just creating an intense atmosphere for the listener. Roc does just that on both sides of the equation. Beats and rhymes.







Biggie Smalls - Niggas Bleed







ABORTATRON: What can I really say about this track. This is probably the most vivid story ever put to wax. *ducks* I know, I know. You're probably thinking this might not be the best biggie joint, but I'd have to disagree. I remember the first time I ever listened to this, I got that edge of my seat, knot in my stomach type of feeling that you get when watching a great thriller/cliffhanger type flick. Biggie gets his greed on, setting up the mammoth lick that can put him and his people on for life. The type of gig that would provide the luxury of retirement. He organizes his troops, gives the pep talk, and sets up the scene. Biggie decides against going in guns blazing, and smokes em out instead.

"Ron, get the gasoline, this spot, we bout to blow this. Get the cash before the cops and Range Rover cats notice. Room 112, right by the staircase, perfect place. When they evacuate, they meet they fate. Ron pass the gasoline, the nigga passed me kerosene. Fuck it, its flame-able, my hunger is unexplainable. Strike the match, just what I expected. The dread kid ejected in seconds, and here come two opposite sexes. One black, one Malaysian. We in the hallway waiting patient. As soon as she hit the door we start blasting. I saw her brains hit the floor, Ron laughing, I swear to God. I hit Maxi Priest at least twelve times in the chest. Spin-t around, shot the chink in the breast. She crying, headshots put her to rest. Pop open the briefcases, nothing but Franklin faces. The spot's hot, sprinklers, alarm systems. That's when other guests start to slip in, it's time for us to get to dippin'."

The great thing about this joint is, much like Ghostface, big is a master of giving the characters in his tales life. you can picture Arizona Ron. You can see the look on "Gloria from Astoria's" face when she realizes Biggie is walking up to the counter for what she thinks is a traditional stick up job. BIG is a master craftsman on this one, and probably created my favorite "story-rap" of all time.










Raekwon - Do it in the Park






HL: There are probably only a handful of MC's on the planet that could pull this off. Shallah's "Cocainism" may have received critical acclaim, but I'm not sure if people were really able to absorb that project. This verse is only a minute long, but it's possibly the most colorful piece of rap music released this year. The main character's life flashes before the listeners eyes.

"...nigga was slick. He loved Wu-Tang...Favorite niggas? Deck & U-God. Runs through the yard with no shirt, and a heavy large banger. House nigga. Loved to pop off."







Outkast - The Art of Storytelling






ABORTATRON: When i was first approached by HL about discussing storytelling raps, this was the first song that came to mind. Aquemini dropped when I was a junior in high school, and i thought it was pretty much the dopest thing ever. I still feel pretty much the same way, and this is without a doubt one of the standout tracks among a plethora of standout tracks. Big Boi leads off, spinning a tale of Suzy Skrew, who was blessed with the moniker, because, well, she skrewed alot. He catches her at the mall, and he WANTS to fuck, but settles for a blowjob, all for the bargain basement price of a "Lil Will CD and a fuckin' poster". Like most Outkast songs, 3 Stacks murders his brother in rhyme with one of his most memorable verses. You see, Suzy Skrew had a partner named Sasha Thumper, and they grew up together, having sleepovers and what not. When Dre asks her the stereotypical question of what Sasha wants to be when she grows up, she gets all deep on us and answers:

"Alive..."

Not your average sleepover type convo, eh? So Andre grows up, and becomes a star, and upon returning to his hometown, finds that Sasha is palling around with someone who doesn't treat her so well, and a couple weeks later, was found behind a school. Dead from an overdose and two months preggers. She didn't fulfill her wish of being "alive", which is some heavy shit for Mr. Benjamin to handle.

Writing this, i realized what an incredible story this really is. Outkast takes us through a brief history of these two characters, and ultimately, we feel what they are feeling. Probably one of the best examples of a movie put to wax, you can actually picture how this would play out on film. i think Suzy Skrew would be played by Karrine Steffans, and Sasha would be played by the chick from Precious.


HL: Big Boi's verse is better.







Nas - Small World






HL: I'm assuming this is the type of atmosphere Jay-Z attempted to create with "Meet the Parents". Karma. It's the law of the universe. Caroline from Maryland, Snook from Redhook, and Nas from Queensbridge engage in a cycle of beef. What's the moral of the story? It's a small world, watch what you do...

"Ass is curvy. Forty years old, she's passing for thirty."






Jay Electronica - When the Levees Broke






ABORTATRON: Jay Electronica takes us on a tour of post-Katrina nw'oleans (or however they say it), and tells the grim tale of what life was like in the desolate wasteland of his hometown. He opens with running into his homeboy, who doesn't have much positive to convey.

"Lil Mikey's doing time for flashing nines in Pasadena."

Not Lil' Mikey! Shit. He tried to tell him "chill", but Michael just doesn't care. Why would he? People are getting arrested for not having identification, cats are copping automatic weapons with FEMA money, and why not? Who else is gonna protect you in the post apocalyptic, Mad Max-esque city? One of the lines that hit home here was:

"On the news i seen a family of a gramma' and some kids. They tore down where she lived for 60 years and told her, here goes a voucher for some powdered milk and kleenex for your tears."

Damn jay, it's like that? It is, and i didn't really realize it. Jay Elec definitely takes the daunting task of describing the bleak situation seriously. He also most definitely puts you in his shoes. Makes you understand how fucked up it is that they were left to fend for themselves, and when they tried to do it the only way they knew how, they were punished.

"Tell me what Elijah said, bout how we came from space again?"